Looking past what is in front of you, so you remember that you already have what it takes to deal with tough situations. So tough situations do not beat you down, but actually help you be more skillful and build your confident.
Few months after we moved to Denver five years ago, we had our first snow. I love snow! So beautiful and so calming. Of course as a mom, there is rarely a day that I don’t have to drive my kids here and there. So as usual, I had to drive. And it was super hard.
I was keep looking at big snow fluffs falling and sliding on my windshield and my focus just kept going back to snow fluffs. I had to tell myself “keep looking at the road, not the snow!” at loud again and again. I am glad no one was in my car... besides my kids.
This experience reminds me of recognizing people’s capabilities by looking past the problem.
What I mean by that is, shifting focus to to the road, what you did to manage the problem or tough situations, past the snow, the problems or tough situations that you find yourself in.
Like transitioning time from play time to shower time is a big task in our house. If I do not proceed carefully, I will find myself with chaos and meltdowns. Still after 11 years, it still happens sometimes.
Looking at that transitioning time as a problem and focus your thoughts on it, and be critical of self, will be like me just fixed my focus on snow fluffs on the windshield. And this way of thinking is not helpful to feel better or to be creative in finding more ways to deal with it.
Staying focused on the road is like shifting my thoughts to “Looking back, eventually everyone took shower and somehat in pleasant mood. What helped to get us done with bath time this time? What did I do that worked? How did I make it through?”. For me, there are few things;
Asking my kids “who want to be the first to get done with bath and have quiet play time before bed?”
Make sure to have some calm moment before going into this phase of the day
Allowing myself not perfectly do this.
This way, even though we face tough situation or problem, we have some ideas of how we manage or got through the situation. And that helps with feeling less overwhelmed and feeling more confident, in control, and calm at times.
So looking past what is in front of you. How did you get through or managed the last tough situation even a little bit?