• Keiko Yoneyama-Sims

Difference between how it looks and how actually is


I confess. I am a bad driver. Not that I drink and drive, not I use phoe while driving. Not these kinds. But I often get too close to a curve while tirning right or parking that my tire get bumped into a curve or tire wheel gets scraped. That kind of a bad driver. 

This morning too, I bumped into a curve while turning right. The exact the same curve I bump into pretty much every morning while dropping off my kids. 

And I noticed one thing. I am making sure I stay in the right lane when I turn. I was making sure I keep seeing the white line while turn into right lane from driver’s seat. 

If you are a proficient driver, you know this well that how it looks from a driver seat and how the car is positioned on a street is bit different. 

I was using wrong marker to stay in line. I have to look at my tire and mirrors to see white line. Not from the front windshield.  I have to trust other markers while I lose sight of the white line from looking forward and staying where I need to be. 




Then I thought, ah! parenting is same like that too. Many times, we gauge how we are doing as a parent from parent’s perspective, like how many play dates kids have, how many toys we gave them, what grades kids get at school, how many awards kids get at the end of the school year, how many sports clubs kids are in, etc.  Maybe, it is right marker to gauge how you are doing as a parent for some people if you are feeling content and happy with it. 

But if you are still feeling not enough or not content although every afternoon is filled with all the activities, weekends are packed, and their room is packed with toys etc.  

Let’s pause for a moment, maybe 5 minutes at most and take a look to see if the markers you use are aline with what you value.  


What is most important value?


What is it that you want to choose that?  


What would you be doing when your value and marker are alined and you feel enough or content or like what you are doing as a parent?


What do you see yourself doing?


Which one is easiest for you to start? 

Everything you do has good reason. And there are many ways to put that good reason in action. 


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After couple years of learning and practicing Solution Focused conversation with children, adolescents, and their parents or caregivers, I started to think "hummm, I feel like this might work with Pos

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Last Updated on July 9th, 2020