• Keiko Yoneyama-Sims

Forgiving yourself for not fitting into your ideal mother image.


While you are planning to have your baby, during pregnancy, maybe way before all that, you might have gotten a lot of different idea of how you will be as a mother through personal experiences with your own mother or caregiver, other female family members, friend, mothers portrayed in social media, from movies, from news, and many more.  

And inside of you, you have some idea of what kind of mother you want to be and don't want to be before doing actual "parent". 



forgiving yourself not being ideal mother

Depending on how realistic your ideal picture of motherhood has been, you might have found yourself doing, thinking, or feeling the way you said to yourself "I would never!" after baby.  Like feeling so exhausted that you do not want to be around your baby, or hear your baby cry one more time or one more second longer.   Finding yourself not enjoying time with other mamas during mama and me group.  Not getting back to per-pregnancy weight soon after baby is born.  Finding yourself cutting corner with baby food making and using store bought baby food in stead of made from scratch organic well balanced baby food.   

We have choice in how we react to these less than ideal actual you being a mom. You can blame yourself for not becoming ideal mother. You can work harder to become ideal mother.   

How about accept who you are as a mother and embrace it?

Saying it is okay to cut corners. It is okay to hate being a mother sometimes. It is okay to be a introvert mother who does not join mom and me group


It is okay to get help from others. It is okay to not doing it all by yourself and strong all the time.

Count what you have already done as a mother.


You kept your baby fed and dressed another hour. You fed yourself one more time. You got up from your bed in the middle of the night although you were so exhausted. You gave yourself permission to be weak and far from ideal mother even though it is hard to admit it.


You made it another minute, another hour, another day.


You did It. Yes, it was you who did it.


And maybe it is hard to see right now in the middle of all this, but you have strength within you to do all this, even if it seems so small. You did indeed.


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Last Updated on July 9th, 2020