• Keiko Yoneyama-Sims

Becoming a new mother is like learning how to speak another lunguage.


Since I am a bilingual, I go back and forth between two languages. I noticed that there is slight differences in my launguage ease in Japanese and in English. For speaking my English seems to be stronger and for reading my Japanese seems to be stroger. And it is interesting to experience the gap in my ability when I go from reading in Japanese to reading in English. It is fristrating. And I notice the similarities in becoming a new parents. 

Becoming a parent, no matter how much you read, studied, and prepared, "doing" a parent is a different story. Whenever you become a parent and start "doing" a parent, there are so much to learn on the job.

Because you have lived so far, you are fluent and have much more capability in being you and dealing with all the role you have.  You may have had a job and career. You finished school. You sucessfully kept yourself alive for however many years you have lived. So you know well how to speak your language, professional language, family relationship etc.  

So when you switch to "doing" parent and look at your fluency in it and notice how difficult it is and how it does not flow natural and rough it is, be kind to yourself.  It can be fristrating or desappointing. It may look like it never going to be easy.  

Maybe it will get easier and maybe it will stay somewhat dofficult thing to do.  Some poeple seems to pick this parenting gig with breez and some seems to have difficult time getting it down.  I think it is the same as any other skill in life.  Same skills are easier to some people to master and to some so difficult to master. Like another launguage. 

It does not mean anything about your as a person amd a parent even when it is difficult to master parenting. It is complicated skill to master. 

But you will learn and adjust to it and will find a way to make it work. 

So whenyou feel like it is getting hard and feel overwhelmed, I want you to ask yourself the following questions. 

1- What is working okay so far?  Any little thing. Any thing that may look insignificant. Count every bit of it.  

2- Compare to day 1 of being a parent, what did you master so far? Anymlittle thing count. Like being able to change a diaper in a dark at 3 AM on the right side. 

3 - How did you make it happen?  You must have done something right that these things are happening now. Take credit for it. 


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After couple years of learning and practicing Solution Focused conversation with children, adolescents, and their parents or caregivers, I started to think "hummm, I feel like this might work with Pos

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Last Updated on July 9th, 2020